2009 INTERVIEW for the Valley Advocate (unedited)

1. When, where and how did the band start up?

The question you should be asking is when we ended. We have had the conviction since the ending that we would be the first band never to have begun but to do a sort of silkworm balancing act off a receding ending date far in the future. That silkstring breaks, and bam: we are in the history books, not as some writeup but as an accident crushed between the pages. I would much rather be a stain an a historical accident than something that ever happened.

2. Please list all members and instruments.

Is there some kind of word limit or bit pulling in our mouths over this interview? You may have to ask your uppers to include some extra pages in order to accomodate the full answer to this question. We volunteer to attach ourselves personally to each copy of the magazine and shout whatever portion was not fit for print. Our primary instrument is the recording medium, which is why at our shows you will always see us facing away from the spectators and towards a box on the periphery. After that all musical instruments are happenstance. The names of the band members depend on your taxonomy, but as listed in the latest lp release (available at Mystery Train records) they include Rachel Hatred, Les Des Gustor, Grecian Urns, Jah Mess, Rotten Sickfred, Candy Abhors, Bulltied Pulsifer, Joshin' Jehosaphat, Tabula Rasamassa, Las Mundas Rotas, Punny Crumbits, Acid Bath, Don Larder Raider & Martyred Mouse. As said the full list would probably require the whole print run of your newspaper for space, so readers can assume (-ED.)

3. Describe the songwriting process for CaVE BEaRS.

Songwriting is a collaboration between tape and a magnet. If we knew how to make the movement of a pen register on audio tape that might be closer to the kind of songwriting you are asking about.

4. What or who are the band's influences?

As the past gets further away science fiction comics writers have to get up on platforms higher and higher elevated from the present date. We are working based on our immediate intuition of whatever the literature only approaches asymptotically. This "science fiction" is not as hard to understand as you might imagine: human culture will become static and everything will be just a degenerated copy-of-a-copy rendition of what you are already familiar with presently: country music will still sound the same as it did in the 1970's except that the singers' limbs and vocal chords are moved externally by radio waves & the lyrics are all about one-note emotions e.g. "I'm angry, angry at you" rather than the complex combination of emotions that is typical for human beings today. In order to help understand this future is the reason why we have mounted several reverse-reenactments of the "Jump To Your Bed" popular game/variety show of the future which will be seared holographically into your locked-focus eyeballs while ten giant mirrors reflect the beauty of the perfect sleepers. We are still working out all the kinks.

5. What is the band's philosophy/motto/creed/mission statement?

Over history the question of perfection has bothered many minds and been expressed in various ways, e.g. "You've got to get the hairs pointing all in one direction" being a popular expression over the importance of getting hairs pointing all in one direction. By deliberately exposing our hairs to the vagaries of weather and electricity we have set ourselves apart once and for all from the rest of recorded man. Charlie McAlister called us once a "cave burial" and that seems about right. Ours is a tragic burial ceremony enacted in cellars and treetops. Everyone else does this or that while Rome burns: we buried that fact and aren't doing anything contemporaneous to anything right now.

6.Any recorded product available?

Have you heard the "Angel 43" single by Marsha Raven? That one might be available. Mystery Train records does have some of our records records, but if you are housebound or fragnetized you may also purchase tapes on a website through the internet. At a show we may throw a special tape at you: we have found that tapes tied to books produce the best parabola.

7. What kind of shows or venues are ideal for CaVE BEaRS?

Thanks to our friend Skot Spear we have played a show inside a rotten shack in Maine. That was our ideal venue for a show that's actually happened. At another trip to Maine we were surprised by a rotten factory that featured an actual "Garden of Smashed Heads." The beams above will be ideal as a catwalk for deformed people missing enough limbs to not be so heavy as to collapse them. For more conventional venues we need help constructing a suitable bubble or box to contain our damages and houseunbrokeness. We prefer not to have any contact with the audience so transparency is not an issue. If you can help with us you can find us at cavebears.suchfun.net

8. Why do you not capitalize all the letters in the band name?

You'll have to ask someone else about this naming convention as I never learned to form any but capital letters.

9. What does the future hold for CaVE BEaRS?

A man imprisoned on an empty spaceship in an alien world becomes so bored that his pacing wears through the bottom of the craft and transpots him to a cave where he captures six animals that are adorable and which he sends to creep into your bedroom at his bidding even from another world to make tiny incisions at the corners of your mouth. Everything has been forgotten: all that remains are a few blaggardy folk ballads, anonymously attributed, and me blowing on a pennywhistle. The future is disposable.